Should you be concerned if your partner is watching porn?
In a relationship, rules can be complicated. There is no standard definition of “cheating”, and every couple needs to set their boundaries to steer the relationship’s tough terrain. Pornography usage in relationships has been a sensitive topic, sparked by the question — is watching porn cheating?
Thoughts about porn can be personal, so it is up to the couple to decide whether it is considered cheating in the relationship. Having open communication is important when determining how porn will play a role in your relationship. Read on to find out how porn can affect your relationship and whether it has a good side to it as well.
What does it mean if my partner is watching porn?
Usually, people in relationships use porn as a replacement for intimacy. Some people have also stated that they view porn in concurrence with masturbation for stress relief, escaping loneliness, and forming parasocial relationships. It can also act as a coping mechanism when people aren’t obtaining the affection they need. Also, many individuals feel the need to watch porn for arousal before they get intimate with their partner.
Some of the possible reasons why your partner is watching porn could be-
- They use it to masturbate – Both you and your partner need your own space and must feel free to masturbate if you feel like it. For some people, watching porn makes them feel aroused and some won’t be able to masturbate without it.
- Loneliness in a long-distance relationship – Even though you stay connected to your partner emotionally, they may sometimes feel the need for physical intimacy which is achieved through watching porn.
- Higher sexual needs – it’s common for partners to have different sexual needs and fantasies. Your partner may have a higher sex drive than you and since they can’t get rid of the desire, they resort to porn to meet their needs.
- Porn addiction – If your partner watches porn excessively, it may have a damaging effect on your relationship or your life. This could indicate a porn addiction which is a type of behavioural compulsion that can cause someone to watch porn, even when they don’t want to.
- To understand a sexual desire – Some people use porn to understand themselves better and explore a specific fantasy.
- Peer pressure – Porn use could also be because of peer pressure. For example, your partner might watch porn because their friends talk about it and normalize the content.
You might be wondering, “Why would my partner watch porn even when in a relationship” or “Is watching porn in a relationship cheating?”
Despite its negative definitions, porn doesn’t affect the real intimacy that you have with your partner.
Is Watching Porn Cheating?
Cheating refers to actions that cross the limitations set in a relationship. If both partners agree not to watch porn and one does in secret, then it will be considered as cheating. If you feel like your partner is being mysterious about their porn use, you start developing trust issues and feel cheated on.
Here are some reasons for why porn is cheating:-
1. Substitute for Real Intimacy
It is common for individuals to explore and surrender themselves emotionally in a healthy relationship. But how is watching porn cheating? It all gets messed up when the line between fantasy and a real connection becomes blurry because of porn.
This can make your partner feel abandoned which can lead to a collapse of a relationship, as both partners start for intimacy in other places. Porn should not replace your sex life with your partner. If porn is used as an escape from your relationship and intimacy, it is better to discuss why this might be an issue.
2. Secretive nature
In a relationship, a partner might try to keep their porn use a secret because of a fear of judgment or abandonment or conflicting thoughts about porn. These feelings can cause secrecy in a relationship, ultimately raising trust issues. Finding out that your partner enjoys watching porn even after being with you can hurt your feelings because there’s always been a secret between you which can be more destructive than the porn use itself. A cycle of hiding, lying, and not sticking to promises almost always accompanies porn in relationships. This breaking of belief leads to feelings of betrayal as well.
It’s worth communicating to them about the importance of truthfulness and transparency in your relationship.
3. Feelings of betrayal
In a relationship, one may view the porn use of their partner as a rule break or betrayal. The person viewing porn and their partner may experience emotional issues as well as lesser sexual satisfaction. Porn feels like disloyalty because it’s also a form of cheating. To answer your question on why porn is cheating – Porn usage and masturbation is an individual act that could hurt your partner’s feelings. Just like flirting with other people is considered as cheating, porn is cheating too. When one watches porn, they surrender themselves to it and nothing else matters to them then. In a committed relationship, we have agreed to give ourselves sexually only to our partner. But porn drives our sexual appeal, urges, and attention elsewhere.
4. Online Sexual Activity
Engagement in online sexual activities (OSA) has risen in the past two decades and has transformed people’s behaviour in the area of sexuality. Some of these activities include sexting, live webcams, or adult dating sites which is definitely a form of cheating. It damages trust and causes feelings of insecurity or negligence in a partner.
- Sex chats – For people in a monogamous relationship, sexting is cheating because interacting with somebody else and hiding it from your partner is a breakage of their trust and the intimacy you share.
- Live webcams—When your partner wastes time on a specific person by watching and interacting with them online, it’s considered cheating if it crosses the line, even if it upsets you.
- Adult dating sites – Creating profiles on various adult sites means that your partner wants to connect with other people sexually. They might even proceed to meet up with the person, breaking the vow of commitment.
Can watching porn be a good thing in a relationship?
If both partners in a relationship are actively engaged, porn can have positive effects on multiple areas. A study has revealed that pornography usage as a couple can have some benefits, such as a willingness to try new sexual activities or improved sexual intimacy.
- Watching porn with your mate can help you discover new possibilities and lead to better communication so that both of you can express your likes, dislikes, and fantasies.
- As a couple, they can learn something like a new position or different ideas that increase intimacy. You can get creative and experiment with various settings.
- Porn can be helpful for couples in a long-term relationship in case you or your partner, have lost interest in phone sex, you can sometimes use porn to trade things up. Viewing something visually stimulating can get you into a sexual mind frame.
- According to a study, researchers observed genital temperature variations to measure sexual arousal and discovered that, when shown porn videos, men and women began showing arousal within 30 seconds; men reached the highest arousal in about 11 minutes, women in about 12.
- Home is usually where all of your sexual desires and fantasies can be explored. If couples engage in watching porn together, it may discard the need for “extracurricular activities.” If you’re sexually pleased with your partner, you’re less likely to look for satisfaction elsewhere.
How porn negatively affects your relationship?
Numerous studies have shown that porn viewers tend to have negative consequences in their relationships. From poorer relationship quality to an increased probability of infidelity, analysis indicates that porn plays a primary role in fueling unhealthy relationships.
Reports have revealed that those addicted to porn are twice as likely to go through divorce or separation.
One study studied couples over six years to understand what aspects influenced their marriage quality and pleasure with their sex lives. It was found porn consumption was the second strongest indicator that there would be problems in the marriage.
Here are some ways how porn negatively affects relationships-
- Changes in ideas about sex – Porn can cause pressure on the individual to perform as per the videos that create arousal for the partner. They can start feeling insecure about their body as the people in the videos have created some unrealistic expectations. Their porn fantasies might not feel genuine and make your partner wonder if they are not good enough.
- Causes sexual aggression & violence – Cheapens intimacy and causes feelings of dehumanization. Sex becomes about being rough and saying degrading things. It’s a fact that most of the porn content contains aggression or violence. When new visitors go to porn websites, about 1 out of every 8 videos represents an act of sexual violence which also includes sexual choking, which can be dangerous.
- Lowers interest in sex – Excessive porn use can make you impotent. It dims a man’s edge and modifies brain chemistry leading to a poor sex life. Your partner may feel disrespected when you choose porn over them
They may feel that you are disconnecting from them and hence, intimacy is impossible.
- Reduces trust – So for the question, “Is watching porn cheating”, the answer is that porn can be the beginning of distrust and trust issues in relationships. This is because partners do not know about their partner’s porn viewing habits: Especially, in casual dating, 43% of male respondents used porn every day and their partner had no idea about it.
You need to understand that porn takes you to a fantasy world. It does not represent a real-life relationship, nor does it offer the real intimacy that makes our partnerships special and comforting.
Signs of Porn Addiction
While porn viewing isn’t necessarily an unhealthy behaviour, when porn use becomes extreme and negatively impacting your life and ability to perform daily, this may be a sign that you’ve developed a porn addiction.
1. Behavioural Signs
- Extreme pornography usage, to the extent that this it is affecting your life and hurting the people closest to you
- Most amount of time is wasted on downloading and watching porn.
- Lying about the extent of your porn use
- Using the web to seek out anonymous sexual encounters, whether these are in person or virtual. This is also why porn is cheating in a relationship.
2. Psychological Signs
- Feeling moody or emotionally distressed when you stop watching porn for some time.
- Being unable to quit porn and feeling helpless despite the negative effects that this causes
- Becoming angry or defensive if you are asked about your porn use
- Changes in your sexual attitude towards your partner e.g. becoming more dominant, assertive or numb.
- Feeling the need to watch porn to enhance your mood or reduce stress and anxiety.
To learn more about the signs and symptoms of porn addiction you can read this article on what porn addiction looks like.
How to Stop Porn Addiction?
- Recognize the problem – The first step is to admit to yourself that you have a porn addiction and be willing to do what it takes to give up porn.
- Clear out porn content – Get rid of the explicit content. Throw away your magazines or adult comics. If you find it difficult to resist urges during your productive hours on the internet, you can use an effective porn blocker such as BlockP, which uses AI blocking and filters out all kinds of pornographic content from your device, including images and videos.
- Replace with healthy habits – Another way how to stop a porn addiction is to replace it with a good habit. You can engage in Yoga which has several breathing techniques to relax your mind or even read a book or go out with friends.
- Join a support group – It can help you find and connect with other people like yourself and develop a good support system that can help during your relapses. Join Our BlockP Community Now.
- Get medication for porn addiction – How to stop a porn addiction could also require medication. There are several pharmacological resolutions available to help get rid of a porn addiction or underlying mental health condition. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are antidepressants that treat mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.
FAQs on Is watching Porn Cheating?
1. Is watching porn considered cheating?
Ans. It may not be a major issue for you if your partner is looking at other people having sex, but it goes in the wrong direction if they are engaging with the people performing these acts. If a person has to hide their porn use and connect with someone other than their partner, it can be considered cheating,
2. Is pornography infidelity?
Ans. To find the solution to “Is watching porn in a relationship cheating” you have to discuss the topic openly with your partner. The answer isn’t a simple yes or no. It depends on your relationship and the boundaries which have been agreed upon.
