Is Masturbating Cheating? Know the Causes of Conflict 

Most people experiment with masturbation in adolescence and continue to masturbate well into adulthood. From a medical point of view, masturbation is considered as beneficial even. 

But, in the context of relationships, the question arises – is masturbating cheating?

Cheating is subjective depending on the relationship boundaries personal to the couples. Moreover, the internet and social media have redefined the sexual or romantic contact that is considered cheating in a committed relationship. 

As we live in the times of sexting and online affairs, we must also redefine our understanding of masturbation and relationships. 

What is Considered Cheating in a Relationship? 

When we look at is masturbating cheating? We must first understand what behaviors might constitute cheating in a relationship. 

The definition of cheating depends upon the relationship boundaries of the couple. For instance, a couple might agree that masturbation is a healthy outlet for sexual energy. The same couple might consider masturbating to pornography as cheating. 

So, here are the common behaviors that might be considered as cheating along with masturbation in a relationship – 

1. Online affairs (Cyber affairs) are the romantic and sexual affairs conducted over online platforms. These usually involve erotic chats and hidden intimacy outside of the marriage. 
2. Micro cheating refers to acts that might seem inconsequential but undermine the trust and confidence of the partner. Flirting or chatting online or secretly contacting ex-partners might be considered cheating in this instance. 
3. Sexting in the context of cheating refers to exchanging explicit texts, images, or videos with a person other than your partner. But sending steamy texts to your partner can be good foreplay. 
4. Flirtatious Texting is the habit of sending romantic or sexy messages to people outside of marriage. These secretive texts often cross the line of cheating and undermine the trust of the partner. 
5. Physical affairs break the sexual exclusivity of marriage by indulging in romantic physical activity.  Such affairs might involve kissing, cuddling, or intercourse with a person outside of the relationship. 
6. Emotional affairs refers to the deep emotional intimacy outside of marriage that involves confiding personal thoughts and fantasies. Emotional affairs can damage relationships as much as sexual affairs. 

Is Masturbating Cheating? 

In order to understand, is masturbating cheating? We should review the role of masturbation in a relationship. 

Traditionally, cheating had a narrow definition – physical intimacy with an individual other than the partner. However, today, cheating can include a spectrum of behaviors that violate the emotional and physical fidelity of a relationship. 

Masturbation can help to fill the desire gaps in a relationship and can be a natural part of self-care. However, it can violate the sanctity of the relationship and cross into cheating in certain contexts.  

1. Subjectivity of Cheating

What constitutes cheating or infidelity depends upon the context of the individuals involved in the relationship. The attitudes towards what behaviors are cheating and what is not depend upon factors such as personal values, cultural backgrounds, and past relationship experiences. 

Some people might feel a violation of trust if their partner has a casual texting relationship or has emotional intimacy with another. Whereas for some people, their partner masturbating to porn might be acceptable. 

2. Relationship Boundaries 

Clear boundaries reinforce your commitment to the relationship and help you honor your partner’s feelings. Boundaries in relationships demonstrate your respect for the partner’s emotional needs.

A muddled understanding of relationship boundaries and shifting preferences leads to behaviors that violate trust and undermine the confidence of your partner. Clear communication about the expectations and limits with regard to masturbation habits helps couples avoid this conflict. 

3. Impact on Relationships – Masturbation and Trust

Cheating in any form (physical, online, or emotional) can damage relationships. Suppose the boundaries of your relationship forbid masturbation, then the sneaky masturbation habit will cause stress and conflict. 

Relationships can grow stronger if the couple can openly discuss their sexual or emotional intimacy challenges. In order to recover from cheating or masturbation, couples need emotional resilience and the willingness to work on their relationship issues. 

4. Emotional and Physical Needs 

Masturbation is a healthy way to explore their sexuality and understand their physical needs within the boundaries of committed relationships. It helps to manage sexual tension and cope with emotional stress when done recreationally.

However, partners must ensure that these personal needs are met without compromising the emotional or physical intimacy of the relationship. If masturbation results in neglect of a partner’s sexual needs or causes emotional distance, then it results in a conflict. 

Is Masturbating Cheating? 5 Conditions when it is Cheating

Mutual expectations are the key to determining is it okay to masturbate in a relationship. When you look at masturbation and relationships, here are the conditions under which masturbation might be considered as cheating – 

1. Masturbation is among behaviors (watching porn, emotional intimacy etc.) that your spouse considered as cheating 
2. It replaces partnered sex or causes dramatic changes in the sexual intimacy of the couple. 
3. When masturbation becomes inherently compulsive and you can not stop even after your partner expressly forbids it.
4. If the masturbation habit results in secretive behavior where you hide, lie about\, or deny your self-pleasuring habits to your partner. 
5. Masturbaiton directly betrays your partner’s trust and sense of fidelity in the relationship.

What to Do When Masturbation Causes Conflict in a Relationship

Solitary and secretive masturbation can become a source of conflict between couples. 

In order to overcome this conflict, couples need to have open and honest communication about their sexual needs. Rethinking the relationship boundaries in terms of masturbation might also help. 

Here are the 3 key steps to overcome masturbation conflict in relationships – 

Rethink How You View Masturbation

In order to move forward, both people in relationships should rethink their beliefs and boundaries about masturbation.

For instance, the man might have to admit that his masturbation habit is not an inconsequential one and that it violates the trust of the spouse. Similarly, the wife might also have to make allowances, such as allowing masturbation during partnered sex or accepting masturbation without porn. 

Rebuild Trust

After the rethinking and redefining of relationship boundaries about masturbation, the next step is to follow through. 

Couples have to rebuild the trust and earn the confidence of their partner by following the relationship boundaries. Also, rekindle the sexual relationship to reassure the partner about your commitment. 

Communicate Your Needs 

Communication is key to a clear understanding of relationship boundaries. Take care not to blame the partner but focus on your own needs and emotions.

If you feel a gap between your sexual desires and intimate relationships, then have an honest conversation with your partner. Explore ways how both your needs can be met either independently or within the relationship in a trusted way. 

When to Consider Professional Help 

You need honest communication and empathy for overcoming the relationship conflict of masturbation. But, if the efforts to talk result in more arguments and mistrust, then a professional can guide the couple through rebuilding trust.

Specialized sex therapists might also help the couple set mutual sexual goals and address the desire gaps or sexual dysfunction in the intimate relationship. 

FAQ on Is Masturbating Cheating?  

1. Is it okay to watch porn if I’m in a relationship?

Watching pornography in itself is not considered cheating in a relationship unless your partner is concerned about the frequency or type of porn you are watching. 

2. What if I masturbate more than I have sex?

Masturbating often helps to bridge the libido gaps between partners. So, as long as it does not create a relationship conflict, masturbation is not an issue within a relationship.

3. Can masturbation hurt a relationship?

Suppose masturbation is coupled with secrecy, and it replaces the intimate relationship with the partner. In that case, it will hurt the relationship. 

4. Should I tell my partner I masturbate?

People have a right to reasonable privacy about their sexual habits, even within relationships. But telling your partner about masturbation habits might help them understand your needs better and also build trust.